things learned

i learned many things today. let's check it one by one.

first, don't be a mushroom. don't be a parasite. they can't live without another creature they suck into. well, you don't know how it feels when you wasted most of your time just to wait that person but that person left you, with anothers. you really give your honest trust for that person, but it's like 'who cares?' sigh.it is dissapointing. really. and that remains only regret. 'why didn't i go first?' 'why that person left me?' 'why should i wait?' that's only the left question in mind.

second, life changes and so does people. i knew this since loooooong time ago but just felt it now. i have that one friend that i gave my trust into. let's just call that person Y (bcs it's not my X :b)  i shared my stories, laughed together, and more. but now Y changed. not like the old one. not a person i comfort with anymore. i feel like afraid if Y beside me. it scares me a lot if i talk with Y. i'm afraid if Y offended by my words and turned to attack me with more spicy words, when i didn't really mean it (just kidding). i'm a sensitive (told ya) i really hate it if i had that friend who doesn't like me and didn't give me the whole reason why. i'm gonna wondering evvvverythin' abt my manner with him/her in mind. 'what have i done?' 'did i do something wrong?' 'shit i did it' 'what should i do now?' 'everyone must be hate me bcs of it' 'ugh stupid audrey' and since i'm not good at apologizing, that'll ruin every little sec of my life :( :( i don't wanna be that girl who cries over the smallest things. but if it connected with buddies i love to cuddle with, i'm gonna cry like spongebob when he was being ignored by her grandma.

third, i'm wondering how my college would be if i can't do anything myself . but that really doesn't mean anything since i haven't even graduated from high school lol.



wish me luck!!!
a thinker,
xxx

WHOAAAA

if i were able to scream out loud as the title mentioned, it'd be veryyy nice (srsly). i'm having tryout from today until the next 2 days (include saturday.....) hang on, brain!!! idk why but knowing i'm in the 12th grade now is even not enough to motivate me to study harder and harder :( (so sad) 2 days ago, me and my friends just had a motivation seminar from a motivator. he's greaaat! he told us not to study in night but in 1/3 of night and do pray tahajjud diligently and i was so excited! it was succesfull for me to do that 2 nigths bfr but it didn't work last night (got oversleep omg) and wish me luck for tonighttt.

oh! and i just registered sbmptn (it's like university entrance test) but haven't do the finalization. THIS is what really makes me confused all the time! this is gonna be my future if i were accepted in one of the universities i've been registered. so i should think over 1000 times to choose which one is the best for me and..... i did finally. bless me, god!

all the 12th grade things are just so complicated! i never though bfr that entrancing university is as hard as this *sigh* just fyi, you have to do your hardest work on this and never play with your choice! no no no! think twice or 100 0r 10000 or maybe a billion times bfr choose before you regret on it.

todays whispers: dear all readers, can you please pray for me for the next national exam? i'd very bery bery appreciate it if you would do and thanks before :)


p.s: for you, who have messed my heart up and down thank you :)

di-ar-i-way